I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
