I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
