He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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