Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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