my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
