im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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