Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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