If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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