I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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