I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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