She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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