No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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