Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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