i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Redeem this text for a blowjob
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
