my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
