I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
