i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
