do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
