mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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