You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
