I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
