wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
