i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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