I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
