There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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