We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
