Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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