am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
