Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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