woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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