Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
