He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
