He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
