There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
