my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
