i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to make out with him forever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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