Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
