What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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