I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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