the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
