I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
