bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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