I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
