WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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