I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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