Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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