So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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