dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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