We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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