I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
