ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
