Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
