I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
