New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
