Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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