there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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