Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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