i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've blown a few things in my day
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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