I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
