He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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