Apparently you make a good broom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
