The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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