just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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