My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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