I got chris browned last night
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
