You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
