Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize