here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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