We named our party play list daddy issues
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
