I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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