Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
