It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
