I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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