I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
