I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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