Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
