this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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