Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
